should you fantasize during sex with your partner?

13 comments
August 23, 2013
great sex for life     Lasting Longer     porn     Sexual Confidence     Staying Hard

Someone writes:

.

Prior to quitting porn, I had indulged in some pretty unpleasant fantasies.

I was worried that I had somehow permanently linked sexual arousal to these unsavory behaviors I was fantasizing about.

I required these fantasies to become aroused and orgasm during sex with my wife.

I couldn’t penetrate her face to face; I think it was too hard for me to project her into the fantasies that way.

Intuitively I think I understood this, but it was impossible to change while I was using porn.
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A lot of men are like Joel.

Joel uses porn, sure. 

But he doesn’t masturbate to porn. Instead…

Joel stores up porn scenes that appeal to his brain, and re-enacts them to get hard and stay hard with his wife Karen

He finds that when he has sex with his wife Karen, he has to bring up these porn scenes into his mind to get hard.

And in order to come.

my fantasy girl

Otherwise, he may go and go and not feel much.

But Karen will eventually get tired of the pounding away and she’ll think, when will Joel finish? Rolling of eyes…

And after a bit, she won’t be all that interested in sex with Joel.

And for poor Joel, without those porn scene fantasies, he can barely get hard anymore. 

But Joel gets plenty hard when he watches his favorite porn scenes

It’s not his fault.

His brain has gotten wired to porn.

2013-08-23_11-07-55 cute wholesome girl bust fully clothed blonde 

And that has desensitized his brain to “regular” sex.

But how bad is this, really?

Can fantasies and porn interfere with sex with your partner?

There are two problems with relying on porn and fantasy to get hard or to come.

Problem #1: It feels distancing. It is a barrier to intimacy. The closeness that you desire and want so much isn’t there when you are fantasizing a three way with three 18 year olds…

Problem #2: The sexual problems become worse and worse. 

Even if your porn tastes don’t escalate.

Even if the same porn still does it for you.

Quick note on “escalation” and porn 

Many guys find their brains get used to the porn they’re into, and they escalate to more extreme forms of porn in order for their brains to respond as before…like needing a higher and higher dose of heroin to get off…

Alfred started with tame pix from Playboy, and over the years moved up to different genres…today’s high speed video porn has hurt Alfred’s brain and he’s gotten hooked on gay porn even though he’s not gay.

Not all guys escalate. Keep in mind, you can get porn induced erectile dysfunction and problems coming even if you don’t escalate!

And…this is all totally reversible and you can fix all this…don’t worry…

Fantasy and porn make it hard to get hard, and hard to come…but luckily…

It’s all fixable!

Keep in mind, the damage is temporary.

And it applies even if you don’t masturbate, but only look at porn.

The sexual problems include:

  1. Difficulty getting hard
  2. Difficulty sustaining your erection without going soft inside her
  3. Difficulty having an orgasm

So, if you find you need fantasy to get hard or stay hard, it might help you if you realize this is not a great thing, and you you decide to do something about it.

The other side of this, when its fixed, is:

  • Great erections any time any place, any positions, any possibility

  • Even if you have health problems, are 80 years old, and overweight

  • You will get great erections and keep them for as long as needed…

     

What’s stopping you is often the porn fantasies. 

Please write a comment or question. Thank you!

warmly

matt cook signature white background 

 

 

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Matt Cook

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Joe

I have nerve damage from excessive bicycle riding. I have significant Prostate enlargement i also have documented very low testosterone and high estrogen. I have some results with cialysis but nit great and it’s expensive. My problem is getting and keeping erections. My penis feels numb and I usually lose my erection before I have satisfied my partner and usually before I climax myself. I have read your emails and have quit porn and masturbation but can’t help fantasying a little. I am married to a very sexy wife. How can you help me?

John

I can relate to this thinking. I would like to know how to fix it.

Thanks

Gopalakrishnan C S

Hi , a great eye opener for me as i realise I have become a strong victim of escalating doses of daily porn that has probably led to my ED problems .

Thanks a ton !!

    Matt Cook

    That’s huge! I’m glad you are okay with accepting that. By the way, even without escalation, porn can easily cause ED for many men.

    warmly

    –Matt

Jim

Hi Matt: Good stuff. Never knew it was an addiction but it absolutely is. I need to quick hits of dopamine by ejaculating. My energy levels are low too. In addition to ED sometimes I find myself having a soft penis and ejaculating or have PE as soon as I am hard with my girlfriend. It’s a double whammy no win situation. Any advice?

Tony

I’ve been practicing n have seen some improvement. An I want to know more about A &G spot.

VIC

IM SHARING THIS WITH MY SON WHOSE 25 AND NEEDS TO KNOW THIS.

    Matt Cook

    Yes, thank you Vic. I totally agree. I’ve discussed this with my grown son too. I’m glad you have that type of relationship with your son. You could save him a world of heartache and grief.

    Today’s young men have the worst time of it because they grew up on high speed porn that really addles our brains. Many young guys have bad ED and it’s due to nobody talking about this and warning them!

    warmly

    –Matt

Cal

My question is when can I expect to recover? I’ve been away from porn for two weeks. I never thoght of this as an addiction but now I see, wow is it addictive. How long before I can expect to be back in teh saddle?

Berry

Outstanding points. I never knew that my problems were related to using porn. I had no idea. It is obvious now that you point it out. I’m grateful and want to thank you for what you are doing Matt.

Matt Cook

Alright, my friend, it’s your turn. Put your story here, your question here. We all have to help each other. Thanks!

warmly

–Matt

    Chris

    I got to this page while trying to find the button to order the series about staying hard longer. I’ve been having the problem of getting soft after penetrating . I didn’t want to believe watching porn could produce this problem. I thought it was blood pressure medication. After I got the medication changed/reduced the problem did not remit fully. I thought it might be low testosterone and had that checked. My testosterone level was low so I got prescribed something to pick it up.. After I used it a while I could perform again. However I have never gone as long as you indicate in the promo leading up to this offer. I would like to. Hopefully I can get back to the order page.

      Matt Cook

      Thanks Chris. I’m not always such a good marketer, I make it difficult to find the order page, lol.

      I would strongly, strongly suggest you change a few more things.

      Investigate iodine supplementation, CoEnzyme Q10, zinc and selenium. These can be vitally low and they cause low T levels.

      Also, with supplements, unfortunately a lot of times the body converts Testosterone into Estrogen, especially Estradiol which is very potent.

      Get tested for estrogen levels and make sure your doc is monitoring those.

      Soy products, beer, conventional laundry detergent and most soaps can really be setting you back. So can microwaving food in plastic and eating certain “edible oils” that all cause T levels to plummet and raise estrogen levels.

      warmly

      –Matt — of course, see a doctor and use this to do your own research, I’m not a doctor and can’t give medical advice obviously

      P.S. Yes, porn is the problem quite often. Erections raise your T levels. If you stop using porn and get over the initial “flatline” stage your interest will build and your libido and your erections will become great and long lasting and you won’t have any more concerns there, I think.

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