erections come and go – why? And why no desire for my wife?
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I’m a 54 yo man. I’ve been dealing with this for the last 20 yrs. I believe a lot of my problem began due to lack of feeling desired from my wife which left me feeling what is wrong with me. I’m currently divorced 2 half yrs now. Last 10 yrs I went through. Clinical depression taking 2 anti-depressants which killed my drive & erections after divorcing I came off my anti-depressants. T hat helped some. But still deal with ED. My Dr says I have profermance anxiety. I get night erections multiple times a night for a few weeks then it’s like they leave me for a few weeks. When I go to have sex with someone; most of the time I get erected then lose it & sometimes I don’t ever get up. It’s frustrating. I’ve learned Levitra works best for my with the BP meds & cholerterole meds I take but still not a guantaree either. I do have low testerstone had gotten down to 222 and currently taking Andor-Gel 1.62% and been on it a yr now which brought my T levels back up to 755. Suppose to use 3 pumps daily. But have backed down to 1 pump daily. I’ve been on this a yr now & starting to notice my testicles starting to shrink. With the Andro-gel not boosting my sex drive nor helping with erections I’m wondering why take this. I can’t tell it’s helped me any is why I have backed off this own my own. When I’m having regular night time erections the sensentitivity in my penis is better. Still not great. But when I’m not noticing or waking with night erections the sensivity is less. It’s rare when I really feet Horney. I’d love to feel this on a regular basis again. Can u help me? I sure hope so. |
Rick, here’s what I see when I read your note.
I see a guy who has some underlying metabolic problem that leads to all sorts of health issues.
The doctors treat just the symptoms. Their approach:
Your testosterone is low, so take testosterone hormones. You aren’t getting good erections, so take Levitra.
I’m in my 50s also and I’m fortunate that I found out how this works. I’m taking nothing and haven’t for years. It’s because I’ve figured out what the causes of these problems are.
If you fix the cause, you an eliminate the need to take anything. And it’s far better because you are healthier, live happier and avoid medication and side effects.
So what is the underlying medical issue? I am hopelessly unqualified to determine that. But it is safe to say that your body is out of balance and I will let you in on one secret right here that can change everything.
Speaking of which, I don’t buy the doctor’s explanation about performance anxiety either. All the total symptoms you talk about:
Lack of desire for your wife (if I understood that correctly)
Poor erections and inconsistent erections
Blood pressure issues
Low testosterone
These can all be fixed when you change your lifestyle just a bit.
I address all this in my T Liftoff Formula home study course, so I won’t get into it here. That course shows you in a series of videos how to raise your testosterone, end the need for blood pressure meds and cholesterol meds, and get a lot more sensitivity in your penis. Better erections. More desire.
I want to talk specifically in the remaining part here about the angle of inconsistent erections.
You should wake up with an erection every morning. If you don’t something may be wrong
Yes, every day, a man should wake up with a strong morning erection. Morning wood as us guys often call it.
(I wonder if the Beatles had this in mind with Norwegian Wood, LOL…)
Morning wood is a very good diagnostic tool. If you aren’t having it, it tells you that your hormones are a bit out of whack. You might miss a day here or there, but overall it is quite important to consistently have morning erections.
Now let’s talk a key point on hormone levels.
Hormone levels are very complicated and not what people and doctors think.
The hormone that can fix almost everything — and no it’s not testosterone
Of all the important hormones perhaps none is more important to desire and performance as Oxytocin.
Oxytocin, the hormone of that strong loving feeling you have for someone.
Oxytocin love brings the deepest level of joy and desire for someone.
Oxytocin builds strong erections.
It shortens the time between when you can come and then get another erection and come again.
It increases your sensitivity off the charts.
Then a companion hormone is quite important to. I’m talking…
…dopamine, the hormone of want and needing someone or something. Dopamine = want.
Dopamine driven behaviors cause us to smoke, drink, gamble, eat, have sex, ask a woman out, buy a new iPhone. Dopamine is a fine hormone because it’s fun to want someone physically right now.
But dopamine also creates the “pleasure pain” meaning with the pleasure of wanting, comes the pain afterwards. It’s done. Over. Never as good as I thought it would be.
Don’t build your life around dopamine…
So dopamine is not a dependable hormone to build your life around. It’s something to watch.
The more of something you want, and the more you physically feel that wanting…well that’s dopamine.
You may notice when you lust after someone or something…how you are breathing faster, your heart speeds up, and how you are hyped up…that’s true if you lust after a girl or a new iPhone. It’s exactly the same.
It’s all dopamine.
And to a smaller degree dopamine drives you to check your email or Facebook account all during the day, or your text messages. Something new might be there. Something new is there! It’s a little spurt of dopamine in the brain.
Dopamine behaviors are addictive. They’re all about addiction.
But we need dopamine. I like being addicted to food, drink and sex, or I’d die. Dopamine is cool but you don’t want it in the driver’s seat. You don’t want dopamine running your life.
There are a bunch more hormones but here is what I want to really say here. Consistent erections and morning wood every morning…zero problems getting and staying hard…being able to last a long time…feeling great desire for your girlfriend or wife…this is made possible by one thing.
Increase the oxytocin in your brain, and you will usually have consistent desire, erections and performance
At this point, you’re saying, “hey can I get Oxytocin and take it like a pill?”
Nope, unfortunately. It’s available as a nasal spray but a really bad idea to take it.
But you can’t take oxytocin hormone up your nose (it comes as a nasal spray) and have it do any good. You have to generate it yourself in your brain.
Awhile back after years of off and on problems I figured out how to build oxytocin consistently. These along with some simple solo activities can bring everything back.
And surprisingly enough, bringing up your Oxytocin will fix depression in most cases. They are very much related. Increasing Oxytocin levels makes you feel less anxious, happier, calmer, more satisfied with life.
This isn’t just my experience, it’s study after study that is showing the value of Oxytocin.
It’s really a case of being out of balance, as I wrote at the beginning of this blog post. And when a guy says “I’m not getting good morning erections, I’m feeling inconsistent, I don’t always have desire,” I think “yep, this is a low Oxytocin situation.”
Low Oxytocin = Desensitization, the cause of almost all men’s performance problems
This fact was established by scientists 25 years ago: that desensitization was the cause of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation and difficulty ejaculating. Then someone stumbled on Viagra and game over as far as FIXING the problem for men.
Now it’s all about getting you to take more pills.That’s what the drug companies are all about, and they train the doctors and pay for all the research.
Cures? Forget it.
It’s all about getting men to take more pills.
But if you just rely upon the pills, you won’t get much pleasure as you could.
You won’t build the desire you want.
You won’t restore your body to the optimal health you are after.
You won’t have the good strong natural erections that men have a God-given right to expect.
Try the Cookster’s prescription (but always check with your doc)
Here are my concluding thoughts. Make sure you stop all masturbation and any watching of porn whatever. Those all really continue throwing your hormones out of balance. The cycle of looking at porn, or fantasizing, and masturbation, is quite harmful to your hormonal balance.
It doesn’t matter if you only VIEW porn and don’t masturbate to porn. Either way it is very desensitizing.
Also, do a lot of naked cuddling and eye gazing and hand holding with the one you love. Have long sessions of intercourse, the more the better.
And as you get older, the fewer ejaculations the better. Ejaculations drain a man. When a man is young it hardly matters but as a man gets into middle age it really takes its toll. Aim for 30 to 60 minutes of intercourse a day, with maybe one ejaculation on occasion, but not all the time.
This is what restores your sensitivity and the Oxytocin in your brain. This is what often fixes all the things you describe as far as inconsistent erections, not always having morning wood (or never having it), not feeling much, even depression and anxiety.
If you feel it would serve, register for my brand new webinar that shows you how to fix ED and get your feeling and pleasure back better than pills. Click here to see if it’s still available.
But who is
This is what got me hard erections fast
A lot of guys ask me, Matt what’s your biggest trick in the “get hard and stay hard” department so I thought I’d spell it out here.
I figure all guys get older and they think, ain’t it natural to lose male potency, have the occasional limp dick?
I used to think so but now I know better. It’s not natural. And you can be 90 and have a hard dick. And more importantly, you can be any age and have good strong erections and feel incredible sensation.
But let me get something out of the way about myself. Lots of guys say, how about them pills? They kinda work, so what’s the problem?
I don’t agree. I’m not saying they’re bad. It’s just that pills aren’t for me.
So I dumped all those pills and started getting hard naturally
I got rid of all my pills maybe 8 or 9 years ago. I am in my 50s and the only pills I take are supplements I buy off Amazon. I don’t take a single prescription medication and haven’t other than maybe an antibiotic once in a blue moon.
I’m healthy as a horse today and I think a reason I’m healthy is I don’t need pills from the doctor.
So even if those Viagra tabs had worked for me, I wouldn’t have taken them. They didn’t, I didn’t, and so it wasn’t an issue.
Turns out, those Viagra/Cialis/Levitra pills only “work” for 6 out of 10 guys…and they do NOT make you feel more sensation in your penis.
So here’s my life today. I get more booty than I ever did in my whole life. And I feel more than I ever did.
Booty call almost every morning and often at night too
This morning as usual my wife and I had sex and here I will sound like I’m bragging but I’m not. We have sex most mornings and it can be quick, like 15 minutes, or slow, like an hour or longer. I stay hard the entire time and the real point is this.
In the old days 10 minutes was a lot, but today 15 minutes is very short and an hour is often the case.
But it isn’t just that. Because…
What good is a hard cock if you aren’t feeling much?
It’s the sensations that I feel today that are a really important part of the story.
The sensations and feeling are off the charts. I never had that in my whole life until I learned this stuff I’m telling you about. I draw the pleasure up into my whole body and it’s like this orgasmic strength all through my body for 10, 20 30 minutes, whatever.
And this has led to something else. I always loved my wife but…
When we first met, I was all over my girl, like every girl I dated. I pawed her, we’d get down whereever we were, and I’d practically tear her clothes off. It was horny city 24 by 7.
But as our relationship matured, that kinda stopped. And although I’m a horndog, we’re doing it like twice a week. And that’s more than my married friends.
Blech.
From loving her to that “tear off her clothes” feeling — the secret to forever love?
It isn’t that empty peck-on-the-cheek love.
Not anymore.
For the last few years, since I discovered this crazy little exercise, we are at it like rabbits almost every day, in the mornings usually although sometimes in the late afternoon.
It’s what has made me firmly totally wildly in love with my wife and we’re together more than 20 years. I can’t get enough of her, and she’s very sexy and has a great bod and people say she looks younger. She’s shy about admitting it, but all this sex is keeping her younger. I’m convinced of it.
And it’s great for me. I grow hair faster. My cock seems bigger, honestly. I feel this testosterone surge all the time. I get semis constantly. It’s fantastic for my productivity in business, and I just beat other guys totally and love winning more than ever before.
But let’s get back to talking about hard cocks and how to get them
Here’s a key point: it’s not just about “performance.”
In fact, you can have the hardest dick in the neighborhood and what good is it if you feel nothing in it? I found in fact that a fairly soft hardon is better for real pleasure than a rock hard rigid rod you can hang a towel on. So I have a great hard-on with great feeling this morning as always.
In fact I draw the pleasure up into my whole body (what I call pleasure centering) and it’s like off the charts amazing. I can’t tell you how it is, it is just beyond words.
So enough about my bragging. Just wanted to tell you where I am today, ‘k?
Now how bad was it?
Really bad.
I lost my good hard erections and my sensitivity very early…
Alright, so I got my desensitization really early. Very early, very young, I was cruising the bookstore and I discovered pornography in the bookstore. I could actually buy this at age like 9 and I was a total nerd so I did.
I was wanking it already quite a lot, I can’t remember how often but sometimes 6 or 8 times a day.
Then a year or so later and we move to another part of L.A. and I meet this kid Duke. Duke’s got rich parents although his dad’s a total A-hole and even Duke is really a butt-head to be honest. Duke shows me his dad’s collection of diddlejuice videos — porn videos. Those were the days of big expensive VCRs and almost nobody had them but Duke’s dad had one.
And Duke and I would watch. And I’d wank to porn…video porn now…storing up images and wanking it later. (I was too scared to wank with Duke, although he told me he and his friends would circle jerk together in the basement…)
So years later…
She wrapped her lips over it, and looked up at me, on her knees with those baby blue eyes and lips wrapped tightly around my cock. She could of removed the chrome from a trailer hitch. She was good. And she made these sucking sounds with her lips going over my cock, and deep into her throat.
But Dr. Willie wasn’t up to the prescription. Not much anyway.
We finally did the deed but it wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t all that smokin’ either. And that was a good outcome for me in those days.
So I was one of the early victims of the criminal called desensitization. That serial killer of feeling and rock hard erections.
Why hasn’t your doctor told you about the real cause of bad erections, going soft and not feeling sensation?
Haven’t heard of it as the cause of erection problems, and premature ejaculation, and difficulty even having an orgasm? Hasn’t your doctor told you about desensitization?
It is THE cause of penis problems.
The big drug companies brainwash me, you and everyone else…
Now, all guys have an occasional problem I suppose. I used to. But never, not once, ever does this happen to me anymore. I can go and go, and then go again, and here’s why.
This crazy little exercise that brought back my hard-ons and restored my pleasure
I did this silly, crazy little exercise. I didn’t come up with it. I didn’t discover it. I stumbled on it and I’ll tell you how sometime but not now.
Point is…
I figured out that wanking to porn was a big part of causing my desensitization. Duh. So I stopped. I replaced the wanking that was desensitizing with a crazy little exercise that increases sensitivity.
Hey if you’re going to wank, why not go forward rather than backwards?
And I stopped what was hurting my desensitization so I’d regain my sword with women, the sword I never really felt the way I should have.
Now here’s what happened…
Everything got really, really good. In the sex department and in every other area of my life. I was always good at making money but not good at keeping it. Now the money has just been flowing in. And life is so much easier. There is an ease to everything, even the bad stuff like aging parents and worrying about my kids…it’s all so much easier.
Anyway that’s my story. If you want this for yourself, watch this video in full.
should you fantasize during sex with your partner?
Someone writes:
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Prior to quitting porn, I had indulged in some pretty unpleasant fantasies. I was worried that I had somehow permanently linked sexual arousal to these unsavory behaviors I was fantasizing about. I required these fantasies to become aroused and orgasm during sex with my wife. I couldn’t penetrate her face to face; I think it was too hard for me to project her into the fantasies that way. Intuitively I think I understood this, but it was impossible to change while I was using porn. |
A lot of men are like Joel.
Joel uses porn, sure.
But he doesn’t masturbate to porn. Instead…
Joel stores up porn scenes that appeal to his brain, and re-enacts them to get hard and stay hard with his wife Karen
He finds that when he has sex with his wife Karen, he has to bring up these porn scenes into his mind to get hard.
And in order to come.
Otherwise, he may go and go and not feel much.
But Karen will eventually get tired of the pounding away and she’ll think, when will Joel finish? Rolling of eyes…
And after a bit, she won’t be all that interested in sex with Joel.
And for poor Joel, without those porn scene fantasies, he can barely get hard anymore.
But Joel gets plenty hard when he watches his favorite porn scenes
It’s not his fault.
His brain has gotten wired to porn.
And that has desensitized his brain to “regular” sex.
But how bad is this, really?
Can fantasies and porn interfere with sex with your partner?
There are two problems with relying on porn and fantasy to get hard or to come.
Problem #1: It feels distancing. It is a barrier to intimacy. The closeness that you desire and want so much isn’t there when you are fantasizing a three way with three 18 year olds…
Problem #2: The sexual problems become worse and worse.
Even if your porn tastes don’t escalate.
Even if the same porn still does it for you.
Quick note on “escalation” and porn
Many guys find their brains get used to the porn they’re into, and they escalate to more extreme forms of porn in order for their brains to respond as before…like needing a higher and higher dose of heroin to get off…
Alfred started with tame pix from Playboy, and over the years moved up to different genres…today’s high speed video porn has hurt Alfred’s brain and he’s gotten hooked on gay porn even though he’s not gay.
Not all guys escalate. Keep in mind, you can get porn induced erectile dysfunction and problems coming even if you don’t escalate!
And…this is all totally reversible and you can fix all this…don’t worry…
Fantasy and porn make it hard to get hard, and hard to come…but luckily…
It’s all fixable!
Keep in mind, the damage is temporary.
And it applies even if you don’t masturbate, but only look at porn.
The sexual problems include:
- Difficulty getting hard
- Difficulty sustaining your erection without going soft inside her
- Difficulty having an orgasm
So, if you find you need fantasy to get hard or stay hard, it might help you if you realize this is not a great thing, and you you decide to do something about it.
The other side of this, when its fixed, is:
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Great erections any time any place, any positions, any possibility
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Even if you have health problems, are 80 years old, and overweight
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You will get great erections and keep them for as long as needed…
What’s stopping you is often the porn fantasies.
Please write a comment or question. Thank you!
warmly
edging
Courtesy Of www.flickr.com/photos/mukhina/3840364331/
Okay, with that, let’s start!
Matt Cook here, thanks for being here with me and hope you had a great holiday (if it was a holiday for you.)
I have gotten a lot of questions on edging.
I want to remind you that you can hit REPLY and send me an email with a question and I’ll try to answer it. I’ll always protect your privacy and never publish anything that could identify you.
So today, regarding edging, I made this quick video that you can watch.
Click here to watch this video on edging.
Unit won’t get ready or stay ready
Courtesy Of www.flickr.com/photos/wiseacre/312839512/
A lot of guys tell me that their units won’t stay in “locked position” for very long.
Units are not really reliable. A man can’t make his unit get ready for a woman.
it is on the other hand quite easy to think of Grandma Ann and your unit will fall from attention quickly.
So a man can get rid of a hardon but can’t will one to happen.
It’s just how we are built.
Our units may not stay locked and ready or they may not ever get there.
There are many reasons for this problem but really the primary reason is desensitization.
Desensitization is a brain problem. It isn’t “all in your head” — it’s very real, the same as an infected tooth is “in your head” but real.
The stuff the docs give you is designed to treat physical problems. The little blue fellas they give you prevent the natural ending of nitric oxide that maintains things.
Nitric oxide also is involved with your heart and that’s why they have to be careful with these blue fellas.
But they don’t work for many men anyway because they don’t actually solve the desensitization issue.
We have identified four issues with men that we can help with through a simple at-home confidential method that works.
1. Getting and keeping hard
2. Lasting a long time
3. Premature
4. Desensitization from too-frequent porn use
We put this into trainings and you can get them right here right now.
And if you feel you have issues with lasting, or with entering, or with coming too quickly, this will really help you.