should you fantasize during sex with your partner?
Someone writes:
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Prior to quitting porn, I had indulged in some pretty unpleasant fantasies. I was worried that I had somehow permanently linked sexual arousal to these unsavory behaviors I was fantasizing about. I required these fantasies to become aroused and orgasm during sex with my wife. I couldn’t penetrate her face to face; I think it was too hard for me to project her into the fantasies that way. Intuitively I think I understood this, but it was impossible to change while I was using porn. |
A lot of men are like Joel.
Joel uses porn, sure.
But he doesn’t masturbate to porn. Instead…
Joel stores up porn scenes that appeal to his brain, and re-enacts them to get hard and stay hard with his wife Karen
He finds that when he has sex with his wife Karen, he has to bring up these porn scenes into his mind to get hard.
And in order to come.
Otherwise, he may go and go and not feel much.
But Karen will eventually get tired of the pounding away and she’ll think, when will Joel finish? Rolling of eyes…
And after a bit, she won’t be all that interested in sex with Joel.
And for poor Joel, without those porn scene fantasies, he can barely get hard anymore.
But Joel gets plenty hard when he watches his favorite porn scenes
It’s not his fault.
His brain has gotten wired to porn.
And that has desensitized his brain to “regular” sex.
But how bad is this, really?
Can fantasies and porn interfere with sex with your partner?
There are two problems with relying on porn and fantasy to get hard or to come.
Problem #1: It feels distancing. It is a barrier to intimacy. The closeness that you desire and want so much isn’t there when you are fantasizing a three way with three 18 year olds…
Problem #2: The sexual problems become worse and worse.
Even if your porn tastes don’t escalate.
Even if the same porn still does it for you.
Quick note on “escalation” and porn
Many guys find their brains get used to the porn they’re into, and they escalate to more extreme forms of porn in order for their brains to respond as before…like needing a higher and higher dose of heroin to get off…
Alfred started with tame pix from Playboy, and over the years moved up to different genres…today’s high speed video porn has hurt Alfred’s brain and he’s gotten hooked on gay porn even though he’s not gay.
Not all guys escalate. Keep in mind, you can get porn induced erectile dysfunction and problems coming even if you don’t escalate!
And…this is all totally reversible and you can fix all this…don’t worry…
Fantasy and porn make it hard to get hard, and hard to come…but luckily…
It’s all fixable!
Keep in mind, the damage is temporary.
And it applies even if you don’t masturbate, but only look at porn.
The sexual problems include:
- Difficulty getting hard
- Difficulty sustaining your erection without going soft inside her
- Difficulty having an orgasm
So, if you find you need fantasy to get hard or stay hard, it might help you if you realize this is not a great thing, and you you decide to do something about it.
The other side of this, when its fixed, is:
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Great erections any time any place, any positions, any possibility
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Even if you have health problems, are 80 years old, and overweight
-
You will get great erections and keep them for as long as needed…
What’s stopping you is often the porn fantasies.
Please write a comment or question. Thank you!
warmly
suffering negative thoughts this holiday season? Here’s what to do
Do you have trouble with the same thoughts going around and around?
This email will help you get rid of these negative thoughts that repeat over and over.
There is a part of the brain called the mind. It is really a thin layer of cells on the outer part of the brain.
Then there is a much larger section of the brain consisting of various parts that you can think of like a computer.
This part of the brain generates thoughts like a computer does.
Over and over.
The thoughts are generated out of habit, the way a computer program runs the same way each time because nobody has changed the program.Continue reading
suffering negative thoughts this holiday season? Here's what to do
Do you have trouble with the same thoughts going around and around?
This email will help you get rid of these negative thoughts that repeat over and over.
There is a part of the brain called the mind. It is really a thin layer of cells on the outer part of the brain.
Then there is a much larger section of the brain consisting of various parts that you can think of like a computer.
This part of the brain generates thoughts like a computer does.
Over and over.
The thoughts are generated out of habit, the way a computer program runs the same way each time because nobody has changed the program.Continue reading
one simple method (questions from readers)
Courtesy Of www.flickr.com/photos/selze4ever/6283994214/
Hey, there, Matt Cook here, and I want to invite you to ask any question you want and I’ll answer it.
1. Just hit REPLY to this email and ask anything you want.
2. I’ll answer some of those questions here tomorrow.
3. I will never use any personally identifiable information and everyone benefits.
Just to get you started, I get questions all the time and here are a few.
Question: does just viewing porn hurt anything? If I just look but don’t touch, is there any harm in that?
Answer:
For some guys, just viewing porn has no effect because their brains aren’t designed that way.
For other guys, their brains are very sensitive to porn and yes, even viewing it can cause a lot of issues.
The actual viewing of porn sets off a chain of hormonal chemistry type stuff in their brains (I’m one of those guys by the way) and desensitization sets in.
Question: I’m having a lot of issues with my woman in terms of not being to be enter, hardness…right now. Any quick fix you can suggest in the meantime?
Answer:
Sure. Try soft entry. It really is a neat experience.
You lubricate your member (use almond oil, or a so-called personal lubricant, or cocoa butter that’s melted) and you have her kind of open her lips a little and you insert into her.
Yes, this works even if you are soft.
Usually it gets hard once you are inside. If not, then you can hang out there anyway and both of you get a lot of pleasure out of it.
This works best with you on top. Have her lie back, and she opens her lips with her fingers and you are on your knees and you insert and then lie on top of her.
Again, ask me anything. Hit REPLY and I’ll do my best to answer here — keeping everything about your identity private.
Chad’s Story
Courtesy Of www.flickr.com/photos/63695568@N07/7563260944/
A neighbor introduced Chad into the joys of porn (“P” as we often say in these emails.)
And showed Chad how to “M.”
That was the instant beginning of a life long problem with “M” and “P” as we call it in these emails.
Chad could not get enough. Sometimes three or four times a day.
And it continued even after he got married.
He thought marriage would end his issues with P and M but it didn’t.
Chad felt distant from his wife. That is a common effect from P and M — real women seem less than exciting.
And he had great difficulties even being interested in “Sue”.
P was much more stimulating and they made love as seldom as possible.
And after a few years, they divorced.
Now he’s in a new relationship and everything has changed.
Chad is so excited about his new life.
He has discovered the urge to get over a lifelong problem with P and M.
He now knows that P can become an addiction that affects the brain physically.
P gets the brain hooked on the hormone dopamine.
The dopamine addiction is what P is all about, nothing to do with women.
The brain’s pleasure center gets hooked on dopamine from P and that is what causes what Chad knows now is “de-sensitization.”
It is totally not his fault. Chad was completely innocent.
As are you.
Now, Chad knows the truth and he is taking charge and wow, he is an excited and determined man.
He feels that the issues he’s had have made him perform poorly in bed with women and now he is really excited about being excited with his new girlfriend.
His former addiction to P made him shy and distant but he is coming out of his shell.
He is claiming the life of being a strong determined man in passionate love with his girlfriend.
Watch my emails for more about Chad tomorrow and announcement of the next web training class.
I’m excited for you!