should you fantasize during sex with your partner?
Someone writes:
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Prior to quitting porn, I had indulged in some pretty unpleasant fantasies. I was worried that I had somehow permanently linked sexual arousal to these unsavory behaviors I was fantasizing about. I required these fantasies to become aroused and orgasm during sex with my wife. I couldn’t penetrate her face to face; I think it was too hard for me to project her into the fantasies that way. Intuitively I think I understood this, but it was impossible to change while I was using porn. |
A lot of men are like Joel.
Joel uses porn, sure.
But he doesn’t masturbate to porn. Instead…
Joel stores up porn scenes that appeal to his brain, and re-enacts them to get hard and stay hard with his wife Karen
He finds that when he has sex with his wife Karen, he has to bring up these porn scenes into his mind to get hard.
And in order to come.
Otherwise, he may go and go and not feel much.
But Karen will eventually get tired of the pounding away and she’ll think, when will Joel finish? Rolling of eyes…
And after a bit, she won’t be all that interested in sex with Joel.
And for poor Joel, without those porn scene fantasies, he can barely get hard anymore.
But Joel gets plenty hard when he watches his favorite porn scenes
It’s not his fault.
His brain has gotten wired to porn.
And that has desensitized his brain to “regular” sex.
But how bad is this, really?
Can fantasies and porn interfere with sex with your partner?
There are two problems with relying on porn and fantasy to get hard or to come.
Problem #1: It feels distancing. It is a barrier to intimacy. The closeness that you desire and want so much isn’t there when you are fantasizing a three way with three 18 year olds…
Problem #2: The sexual problems become worse and worse.
Even if your porn tastes don’t escalate.
Even if the same porn still does it for you.
Quick note on “escalation” and porn
Many guys find their brains get used to the porn they’re into, and they escalate to more extreme forms of porn in order for their brains to respond as before…like needing a higher and higher dose of heroin to get off…
Alfred started with tame pix from Playboy, and over the years moved up to different genres…today’s high speed video porn has hurt Alfred’s brain and he’s gotten hooked on gay porn even though he’s not gay.
Not all guys escalate. Keep in mind, you can get porn induced erectile dysfunction and problems coming even if you don’t escalate!
And…this is all totally reversible and you can fix all this…don’t worry…
Fantasy and porn make it hard to get hard, and hard to come…but luckily…
It’s all fixable!
Keep in mind, the damage is temporary.
And it applies even if you don’t masturbate, but only look at porn.
The sexual problems include:
- Difficulty getting hard
- Difficulty sustaining your erection without going soft inside her
- Difficulty having an orgasm
So, if you find you need fantasy to get hard or stay hard, it might help you if you realize this is not a great thing, and you you decide to do something about it.
The other side of this, when its fixed, is:
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Great erections any time any place, any positions, any possibility
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Even if you have health problems, are 80 years old, and overweight
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You will get great erections and keep them for as long as needed…
What’s stopping you is often the porn fantasies.
Please write a comment or question. Thank you!
warmly
