How to overcome desensitization from poor masturbation habits
So here’s the story of Phil who became desensitized from poor masturbation habits. Phil discovered his father’s porn collection when Phil was 12 years old. He discovered the joys of masturbation.
Masturbation used to get a bad rap. Going blind, growing fur on your hands, and so forth. Then the pendulum has swung the other way today.
You never used to hear ANY reference to masturbation in movies and TV. Now you hear it all the time. It’s mentioned, discussed sometimes. I don’t watch much TV, but I remember (perhaps you do too) the Seinfeld episodes where Jerry, Kramer, Elaine and George agree on “The Contest.” As Jerry says to Kramer:
“So, you’re still Master of your Domain?” “Yes, yes I am. Master of my domain. But I will tell you this: I’m going over to her apartment and I’m tellin’ her to put those shades down!”
In those pre-Internet porn days, seeing a woman in her underwear or naked would be enough to get a man hard. Not today…but let’s continue with our Phil story… Phil hit puberty and what is puberty? It’s nature saying, “you are ready to have sex and father children.” Girls hit puberty and develop a bit earlier than boys do.
Puberty in girls is saying, you are now ready to have sex and bear children.” I’ll call this girl in our discussion Jane. In the old days, like the last 2 million years, Jane would quickly be married off and become pregnant.
Phil and Jane would move into a cave together and that’s that. Now Jane would bear successive babies, some who would survive and some not. Point is, at this point, in the ancient days, Phil wouldn’t be masturbating much or at all. He’d find his sexual satisfaction with Jane.
But in today’s world, boys are not encouraged to marry and have sex at puberty. So boys like Phil build their sexual life around masturbation.
That isn’t a problem really.
When masturbation means fantasy and jerking off, it seems to be reasonably okay so long as it doesn’t continue to be a boy’s and then a man’s primary sexual outlet.
The natural way of things is for a boy and then a man to masturbate a bit, then discover “real” girls, and then masturbate a whole lot less or not at all.
But this isn’t natural, what I’m discussing with you now.
It’s the modern technology world, not the natural world we are genetically programmed to live in.
So Phil didn’t use fantasy when he masturbated. He used porn. And because he wasn’t encouraged to meet girls and have partner sex, his brain wired really intensively to porn+masturbation, rather than partner sex.
So over time, Phil’s brain laid down deep neural pathways around porn and masturbation, rather than partner sex.
When Phil finally did have a partner, Jane, sex wasn’t that great.
In fact, his penis didn’t get that hard.
And he had been used to a huge variety of extreme sexual acts. Jane wasn’t into those.
Just sticking it into Jane was almost a letdown at this point.
Because Phil had graduated from the magazines in his dad’s collection, to using a more powerful form of porn “tube sites”, high speed Internet video porn.
So Phil’s brain was REALLY desensitized to partner sex, and highly tuned to porn and masturbation. Phil’s brain was DESENSITIZED to partner sex.
And Phil had a tough time even having partner sex.
Now, every time Phil does online, even when he’s not looking at porn, he’s exposed to a constant barrage of sexual triggers in the form of suggestive photos, suggestive headlines and ads.
When Phil watches TV or a movie, it’s nothing but sex sex sex here, there and everywhere.
Each time Phil watches TV or a movie, or goes on the web, his brain gets further doses of sex without it being actual partner sex. So it isn’t Phil’s fault.
At this point his brain is solidly wired more to porn and masturbation rather than partner sex.
Phil has to regain his natural sensitivity. His brain has to rewire to real partner sex. As a result, Phil requires a LOT of sexual stimulation when he’s with a partner.
How to tell you are desensitized to partner sex
In the natural order of things you do NOT require actual stimulation on your penis to get hard. You do NOT require her to go down on you. Or to stroke your penis.
She CAN do those things of course but if Phil had his natural sensitivity he would already be ultra hard with even the realistic possibility of partner sex.
A man who requires a lot of penis stimulation to get hard is very desensitized.
Once Phil recovers from desensitization, he gets semi erections when Jane kisses him. He gets ultra hard sometimes even when he watches Jane undress.
And when they lie together, it isn’t long before Phil gets literally turned on — it’s like a lightswitch going on and he is ready for sex. Phil gets hard naturally without Jane touching his penis.
And he stays hard for 30 minutes or an hour. Not ultra hard, but hard enough. His penis naturally cycles from very hard to semi hard back to very hard, throughout a 30 minute or hour sexual session with Jane.
He never goes soft while having sex.
Phil fixed his desensitization and you can fix yours
What Phil did was simple solo activities that fixed things.
But it didn’t happen overnight.
And meanwhile he had to eliminate porn, cut back or eliminate masturbation, and do some things that increased his sensitivity rather than decreasing it.
Phil has now discovered something amazing.
He was spilling his seed all the time in the old days and he isn’t doing that anymore.
When he comes, it’s inside of Jane. Phil has discovered his newfound sexual prowess and ability spills over into attraction.
Jane is more into him than ever.
And random girls look two or three times at Phil, often signaling their sexual interest in him with not-to-subtle signs.
And Phil is more motivated in his career.
His colleagues and co-workers (both men and women) look at him with more respect now.
Phil even finds his workouts at the gym are a lot better than they have been in a long time. These are some of the many benefits from getting your desensitization fixed.
Did masturbation cause my desensitization?
Wow! I remember discovering masturbation as a kid.
Ka-blooie!
What a shameful and pleasurable thing that was.
And then…fast forward to today…let’s get some perspective on masturbation and how it might affect our partner performance.
(And I hate using that word “performance” but there isn’t any other way to describe “how Dr. Willie works” so I’ll continue if you don’t mind…)
This article shows you some eye opening new facts to consider about masturbation and about how it may be contributing to desensitization…
Does masturbation cause problems getting hard, staying hard, or coming too fast/slow?
Hey, obviously, masturbation is actually a wonderful thing. It is amazing what it can do for us.
- Get to sleep
- Feel more relaxed
- Feel less lonely
- Feel really good!!
But overused or overdone, or done “wrong”, it has another side to it. Here’s how Al found this out.
Al had trouble with his erections. He goes to his doc. His doc does a blood test. “Testosterone is okay,” the doc says. The doc examines Al. “Everything seems okay.”
So the doc says to Al, “hey, you’re 30 now, and as you get older, things stop working as well. Plus you have a lot of stress in your life. A lot of this problem is from anxiety.”
The doc gives Al a prescription for a benzodiazapine Xanax that will “calm Al down”, and gives Al a scrip for Cialis.
And Al goes on his way.
Al doesn’t take the Xanax much, but he does take the Cialis pretty religiously. It seems to work okay, but after a year or two, not as well, and after 3 years, not at all.
Al wants a solution to his problem.
He doesn’t want to depend on pills or chemicals to have partner sex
And he’s in his 30s, is it really all so down hill from here?
Al comes to me and says, “Matt, I can’t get hard, I am not able to have a good erection much anymore. My girlfriend has to constantly stimulate me to get anywhere, and then it’s all over so fast. What do I do? I’m only in my thirties, I can’t imagine why things aren’t working. And my doc says it’s performance anxiety but that doesn’t seem completely right.”
I ask, “Al, what about your masturbation habits?”
Al says, sure I masturbate.
“Do you view porn?”
Well, not much. A little but not more than say once a month.
Okay, well you and everyone else, right Al?
Every guy views porn it seems, if only a little.
And really, life is full of porn triggers — non-porn that triggers sexual thoughts and fantasies and that in turn lead to sex hormones surging in the body…
Before I got into this work I do now, my male friends used to always be sending me photos through email of naked chicks and all this. (They don’t send them to me anymore and I’m grateful.)
I’ve talked about porn and you know a little more about that, but what about masturbation?
Everyone masturbates, right?
It’s totally cool to masturbate, but there are a lot of things that people don’t realize about masturbation.
You know what’s weird about masturbation? There are tribes in this world of men and women who don’t have a word for masturbation at all. As written recently about these African tribes:
The absence of masturbation among Aka and Ngandu men and women may be more surprising, and perhaps also harder to explain. Recall that the Hewletts did not find that masturbation is “frowned upon or punished,” but rather that there is just no general conception of it.
Masturbation isn’t as common or as universal as we think. It is practiced by some cultures a lot, and by other cultures not much.
I believe that masturbation has increased dramatically over the last 30 or 40 years. And it’s all due to the prevalence of sexual triggers.
Wake up, go to your phone. See 20 email and 10 Facebook updates, many triggering sexual thoughts. Cruise to Reddit or Craigslist and Youtube. Lots of sexual triggers there.
By the time you’ve downed a cup of coffee and headed for work, you’ve had 20 sexual thoughts and all this
Constant stimulus gets the sex hormones surging continuously throughout the day
And so these hormones surging create a tolerance by your body for them. Your body gets used to these constantly surging sex hormones.
And that brings desensitization on us.
Years ago, men didn’t have all that constant stimulus. They had to fantasize and jerk off to their thoughts not to high speed video.
And they strung their thoughts together by themselves, and interacted with other people without sexual triggers every second of the day.
It was such as different world because you went to a restaurant and people had to talk to each other. They didn’t have their phones to immerse themselves in. And they didn’t see sex, sex, sex everywhere, in every ad, every placemat, every radio and TV commercial, every banner ad…
They didn’t see the pictures in this article, either, LOL (the irony does not escape the Cookster.)
Masturbation is fine, but if you have desensitization, then it may be something you have to stop for awhile.
A bit of masturbation is no problem…but here is how it CAN be a problem…
Masturbation to “in the brain” ordinary fantasy has rarely caused problems in the past.
But today, it’s difficult for a man to masturbate to fantasy. The fantasy has to be about a porn scene or something erotic he saw in a movie, TV commercial, blog post, article, etc.
The fantasy is heavily enhanced by all the interactive gizmos we’re immersed in all day. And THAT is a potent recipe for sexual desensitization.
Because all those surging sex hormones all day every day cause desensitization, plain and simple. Toss in masturbation and you’ve got a lot of partner sex problems, erectile dysfunction, feeling little or nothing…
It seems that the more email, Facebook and high speed video we consume, the more we have those sex hormone surges throughout the day, the more we masturbate and the worse our partner sex experience is.
It’s no coincidence.
Masturbation with ejaculation results in loss of sexual energy at the best of times. But
The constant sexual triggers make it 100 times worse
I have guys in their 20s who have severe problems with getting hard. Basically they just can’t get it up for anything.
And what they have in common is, they started masturbating and using porn, and not just the porn of yesteryear, but the porn of today.
And, for the guys who are in their 40s or 50s or 60s, welcome to the world of constantly surging sex hormones resulting from all those triggers out there!
Desensitization, here we are!
Today’s interactive technologies and constant triggers results in changes to our brains that desensitize our brains to “normal” stimulus, say a real woman and a real pussy.
And those are real changes that are visible in brain scans. They aren’t “in your head.” They are real.
To overcome these brain changes, nothing works better than building up Oxytocin in your brain and in your dick
Oxytocin can restore the desensitization caused by sexual triggers, poor masturbation habits, too much masturbation, or a host of things including health problems.
If this resonates, leave a comment or question.
We will have a contest with one comment drawn at random and winning a free course valued at $197. The purpose of leaving a comment or question (completely private as far as who you are) is to help the 1000s of guys here at the Brotherhood. We all benefit!
warmly
Fucking versus making love
Fuck.
A lot of guys think fucking is making love.
I am using the word “fuck” here in it’s real meaning. I am so glad we have this wonderful language so we can use it to the max. Forgive me if it seems crude or offensive but there is a reason…trust the Cookster!
The fucking program — men on it are responding to ancient reptile brain programs that are designed to get us off inside of a woman so we can get our semen up into her vagina as far back as possible.
By the way, I’m putting this picture here and before you complain that the Cookster is compromising his values (avoid triggers), this is a famous painting that hangs in the Louvre museum. It was *quite* controversial but spells it out beautifully, don’t you agree?
So back to the subject at hand.
Most guys don’t know this — but the truth is that semen lives for up to five days inside there, and if other men fuck the girl, the first guy’s semen fights it out with the second or third or fourth guy’s semen, and the winner migrates up and fertilizes her egg.
Sounds romantic, doesn’t it? It’s true — Nature’s Program is for us guys to always be fighting it out — with each other, with other guys’ sperm, just always fighting.
But is that the recipe for being happy?
Is it really this constant fighting?
And when we have sex, is it fucking, lovemaking or …?
So we approach lovemaking as fucking. We all know the difference between fucking and making love. Beyond everything else,
Fucking is what we do to her rather than with her
Fucking has its place. It can be fun to feel like a total man and just take her with a stiff hard cock and give it to her good. Very fun.
But there is something about it that separates us and makes us feel more lonely.
courtesy of flickr.com/photos/uberdork/
And so…the result is that afterwards, for a period of up to two weeks, our perceptions change. This is such a key point that most of us are never aware of.
In fact,
Fucking causes deep dissatisfaction with our partner…and this can last two weeks
It’s hormonal, all driven by Nature’s Program.
We see her faults. She sees ours. We don’t feel the same sense of love. She doesn’t either.
Sometimes it seems that it may take two or three ejaculations/orgasms but after this fucking, if you pay close attention, you notice the perceptions shift.
And you begin looking more at other women. And she begins picking arguments. Right out of left field, she’ll say something bitchy and stupid. Where did that come from?
Women can turn witchy, bitchy and downright evil at worst. Or at best, just some overall moodiness and “I need some space”.
Now, contrast this with lovemaking. If you make love using Nature’s Programs, you can be looking into her eyes while your penis is deep inside her, and you and she can be feeling this strong love and connection that is like another world.
I call it Nirvana Sex. I think I got that phrase from one of the guys here (thank you!) and it really fits.
And this can last not for 3 or 5 or 10 minutes, but for 30 minutes, 60 minutes or more, and not once but several times a day.
And you can have this even if you’ve been together 37 years, or even if you and she were “bored” with each other.
It’s all a matter of using Nature’s Programs and you get to pick which one you want to use. You can consciously select which one, but you can’t have any control over the programs themselves.
If you pick the fuck program you let it take you over and you revel in it. The fuck program leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness and the answer seems to be more fucking…and that leads to still more…no wonder we’ve been unhappy. We have a crap sex life because of Nature’s Programs.
Fortunately we can pick another program — this one for Nirvana Love
If you pick the make love program, you feel it like a wave over your whole body and you revel in it. I can’t really use words to describe. It is really heaven, really really. It is all I ever want to do, and it goes on and on and on and just is so pleasurable that it makes normal orgasms seem kind of trivial.
You have to experience it to understand it. And that can take a bit of time and isn’t always easy if you are deep into the fucking program.
But Cookster, I thought that all partner sex makes you feel closer and bonds you together…is that not so?
It is not so.
The fucking program does not bond us. It may feel like it for a bit, but it actually has the opposite effect. It makes us feel closer for a short while then it makes us want to go out on the town and see what other pussy is out there.
And I’m not saying there is anything “wrong” with this.
But I am saying, that you want to decide which program to subject yourself to. That’s what it is — they each take over and run you. Your only real decision is gross behavioral ones that will lead you to one or the other program.
Fucking has its advantages
It is a lot of fun compared to wanking off to porn.
Also, it does put you on Cloud 9 afterwards, you kind of have that manly feeling as you walk around and interact with other people. It’s great for a while. Maybe a day or two.
And it is fun to nail the girl. No question. Sometimes I enjoy nailing my wife this way. She likes it too of course. Sometimes.
But there are a lot of disadvantages.
First off…
Fucking causes desensitization
It causes more desensitization, without a doubt. So it leads you away from fixing desensitization.
It also makes her less sensitive. Women have this problem too, although of course they don’t show it as much as guys do. Women who need it rough, who use vibrators, who get bored with their men, who show low or no sexual interest…are often desensitized as well.
(There an be other reasons why women are shut down to sex, more complex ones than men, because Nature’s Programs for women require the woman to be much more focused on relationships than men have to be, and with this focus comes more complex reasons for shutdown.)
But back to the disadvantages
Fucking causes unhappiness and constant seeking out new experiences that become old real quick
Now you see why the advice from all the bullshit sexologists is such crap.
Do something new. New girl, new positions, new sex toys, new fantasies.
And if you are down this road already (the Dopamine Track as you will recognize from my prior writing) you know this is a recipe for total loneliness and constant dissatisfaction
While, the Nirvana Sex, the Oxytocin Track, is the recipe for being whole, complete, feeling nothing but the most amazing pleasure for 30 or 60 or 90 minutes, once or more per day, with the one you love more than anything else in the world.
Makes sense? Opens up your mind a bit to the possibilities, I hope? Yes?
So I’m thinking of doing a web training on Nirvana Sex
Yes, this is a subject so dear to my heart and to my life that I think you need to discover more about this so you can have it in your life.
So I’m thinking of doing a new web training on how to have this Nirvana Sex, sex you can experience that blows away your whole idea of what sex can be. It is sex as we all thought it was supposed to be.
Let me know if you have a question on it by posting here, or tell us your story.
Leave your story, or a comment or question that I can answer on the web training that’s coming up. It helps all of us to hear your thoughts. Help out the Brotherhood here — leave a comment, question or your story.
warmly
Should I date women before I’m fully recovered from erection problems?
Should you wait until your erection problems are fixed before you go out to meet women? This article talks about that and gives you a surprising answer.
Warning: there are images of scantily clad women here. If you are avoiding triggers (as I do) then defocus your eyes and skip over them. Got it?
Okay so let’s begin…
Ben had ED for about 10 years, since he was 23. Now at 33, we chatted and I asked him about his plans to meet women.
“No way,” he said, “I’m gonna wait until I’m fully recovered from the ED before I try that.”
Why not?
“I don’t want to have another failure. So I’ll wait until I’m really recovered.”
I told Ben that this is a mistake.
And I thought I’d tell you at the same time, as maybe you have thought about that and are waiting and maybe you’ll find this helpful too.
Sure, I understand: The idea of waiting until you’re “ready” has appeal.
You can see the path in your mind’s eye. You’ll do the solo activities in my courses (Raging Sexual Confidence, or Big Bang) and you’ll begin recovering and then when you are getting and keeping good erections, you’ll go out on the town and meet girls.
Most of all, you
Avoid the cycle of failure
The cycle starts with the discovery, “hey my dick isn’t hard” and proceeds to testing, and trying, and failing. And then her “oh it’s okay, no problem” when you know it IS a problem, and perhaps a woman who isn’t as kind and acts and shows her disappointment.
Courtesy Of www.flickr.com/photos/mukhina/3840364331/
Then the cycle of failure turns naturally into anxiety. Anxiety about whether you will or you won’t, and whether it will or it won’t…and then you have full blown performance anxiety.
The erection problems started, then the performance anxiety followed. Remember that. If you can get the performance back, the anxiety will naturally get better.
Okay, so
Should you wait until you are ready?
I’ve watched thousands of guys come and go and try to get their desensitization fixed. (Don’t know that desensitization causes erection problems? Read here for how and why.)
And the guys who succeed are more often the guys who get some female attention sooner rather than later.
I mean, first of all, think about it. If you have gotten desensitized, you are probably not having a lot of action with a female in the first place. So avoiding women will certainly not fix that any time soon, right?
But more than that, there is the
Physiological reason for quicker and better recovery when you are meeting women
Our brains are wired for interaction with real women. When we get desensitized it can be from porn, poor masturbation habits, health problems, or often a combination.
Remember that desensitization is a real physiological problem. It isn’t “all in your head”. And the fix isn’t in your head either.
When you interact with real women, you begin getting your sensitivity to real women back. It’s a start. The more you interact, the more your brain churns out hormones such as oxytocin that make you feel good, secure, and also improve your erections including both the duration and the time between ejaculations (shortening it.)
And when you interact with real women you are satisfying the deepest needs we have in our reptile brains for companionship. That is tremendously rewarding. However often
It doesn’t feel rewarding at first to get out there and meet real women
If you’ve been using porn, then real women will seem kind of boring. Or if a girl seems hot, you’ll see her in your mind’s eye in a porn scene of some kind. It takes awhile for that type of fantasy to fade away, but it does. And a good thing, because as long as you’re experiencing those types of fantasies often, you probably aren’t recovered yet.
And sex can seem flat, boring and uninteresting. That is, sex with a real woman as opposed to the three nymphettes spanking each other and….in those porn scenes…you get the idea…
It takes time to recover, and the more you spend time with real women, the quicker you will recover. And some guys don’t recover without this at all. It is essential for them, and maybe fore you.
So now I hear you ask,
But what if she wants to have sex with me and I’m not ready yet for sex?
I know you don’t want to have another failure.
So here’s what you need to do. You need to take it slow. Spend some time in bed sleeping spooned together for a time or three, with sex off the table.
Can’t do this? Well keep trying. Show some masculine resolve. Some decisive goal-oriented behavior us guys are known for. Say “I am getting over some erection issues and the next few dates I want to sleep together and not have sex.”
Oh, what a sin that is! It so goes against today’s “hop into bed and fuck” culture, doesn’t it?
And what is she laughs in my face and says, “you’re kidding, I’m a horny girl and I’m interested in a guy pounding me with his salami good and hard and right now and if it’s not you I’m gonna find another guy.”
Well then, I say, Sayonara. Good knowing you. Next! They aren’t all going to like this.
And then you meet the girl who loves the idea…and loves you for being so confident…
But what of the girl who does like the idea?
“No guy has told me THAT before. Wow, you are honest, and confident to be so sure of yourself that you can tell me THAT.” She looks at you and feels a little weak and a little wet. You are HOT.
You’ll have a much better chance of a fantastic relationship when your woman is okay with this. And the sex will be much better when you have worked up each of your Oxytocin levels.
You certainly can do this “sleep together first” thing for the rest of your life, after you’ve recovered. It makes everything SO much better. But…
…now don’t go and ruin it by trying to stick it in when you were the one who said, “let’s do it this way instead.”
So you sleep with her a few times, maybe give her a bit of oral (or not), and you will notice something very interesting and exciting.
You will notice that semis start coming back…morning wood sometimes (hey it’s been ages since that happened!). Maybe you get kind of excited when you see her and your dick gets hard just from looking into her eyes. Ain’t that a trip?
And then…when you get semis and morning wood…you won’t have to worry about failing.
Meanwhile you can do “intercourse anywhere” entry while still soft and you can hang out in her vagina. Spend 30 minutes or two hours connected that way. How wonderful is that?
Because it’s THIS that heals the brain and leads to true recovery.
You’ve done the solo activities, helpful as those are…and now
It’s time to get out there and meet women
Throw away your fears and doubts. And get out there.
Are you ready? You’re not? Then now is the time to start. Either way, it’s time. And if you want to know where to start, then rely upon Factor X: register for this free web training on how to meet a woman as soon as this weekend using Factor X to do the work practically for you.
And please leave a comment or question that I can answer, or we can talk about.
warmly
Should I date women before I’m fully recovered from erection problems?
Should you wait until your erection problems are fixed before you go out to meet women? This article talks about that and gives you a surprising answer.
Warning: there are images of scantily clad women here. If you are avoiding triggers (as I do) then defocus your eyes and skip over them. Got it?
Okay so let’s begin…
Ben had ED for about 10 years, since he was 23. Now at 33, we chatted and I asked him about his plans to meet women.
“No way,” he said, “I’m gonna wait until I’m fully recovered from the ED before I try that.”
Why not?
“I don’t want to have another failure. So I’ll wait until I’m really recovered.”
I told Ben that this is a mistake.
And I thought I’d tell you at the same time, as maybe you have thought about that and are waiting and maybe you’ll find this helpful too.
Sure, I understand: The idea of waiting until you’re “ready” has appeal.
You can see the path in your mind’s eye. You’ll do the solo activities in my courses (Raging Sexual Confidence, or Big Bang) and you’ll begin recovering and then when you are getting and keeping good erections, you’ll go out on the town and meet girls.
Most of all, you
Avoid the cycle of failure
The cycle starts with the discovery, “hey my dick isn’t hard” and proceeds to testing, and trying, and failing. And then her “oh it’s okay, no problem” when you know it IS a problem, and perhaps a woman who isn’t as kind and acts and shows her disappointment.
Courtesy Of www.flickr.com/photos/mukhina/3840364331/
Then the cycle of failure turns naturally into anxiety. Anxiety about whether you will or you won’t, and whether it will or it won’t…and then you have full blown performance anxiety.
The erection problems started, then the performance anxiety followed. Remember that. If you can get the performance back, the anxiety will naturally get better.
Okay, so
Should you wait until you are ready?
I’ve watched thousands of guys come and go and try to get their desensitization fixed. (Don’t know that desensitization causes erection problems? Read here for how and why.)
And the guys who succeed are more often the guys who get some female attention sooner rather than later.
I mean, first of all, think about it. If you have gotten desensitized, you are probably not having a lot of action with a female in the first place. So avoiding women will certainly not fix that any time soon, right?
But more than that, there is the
Physiological reason for quicker and better recovery when you are meeting women
Our brains are wired for interaction with real women. When we get desensitized it can be from porn, poor masturbation habits, health problems, or often a combination.
Remember that desensitization is a real physiological problem. It isn’t “all in your head”. And the fix isn’t in your head either.
When you interact with real women, you begin getting your sensitivity to real women back. It’s a start. The more you interact, the more your brain churns out hormones such as oxytocin that make you feel good, secure, and also improve your erections including both the duration and the time between ejaculations (shortening it.)
And when you interact with real women you are satisfying the deepest needs we have in our reptile brains for companionship. That is tremendously rewarding. However often
It doesn’t feel rewarding at first to get out there and meet real women
If you’ve been using porn, then real women will seem kind of boring. Or if a girl seems hot, you’ll see her in your mind’s eye in a porn scene of some kind. It takes awhile for that type of fantasy to fade away, but it does. And a good thing, because as long as you’re experiencing those types of fantasies often, you probably aren’t recovered yet.
And sex can seem flat, boring and uninteresting. That is, sex with a real woman as opposed to the three nymphettes spanking each other and….in those porn scenes…you get the idea…
It takes time to recover, and the more you spend time with real women, the quicker you will recover. And some guys don’t recover without this at all. It is essential for them, and maybe fore you.
So now I hear you ask,
But what if she wants to have sex with me and I’m not ready yet for sex?
I know you don’t want to have another failure.
So here’s what you need to do. You need to take it slow. Spend some time in bed sleeping spooned together for a time or three, with sex off the table.
Can’t do this? Well keep trying. Show some masculine resolve. Some decisive goal-oriented behavior us guys are known for. Say “I am getting over some erection issues and the next few dates I want to sleep together and not have sex.”
Oh, what a sin that is! It so goes against today’s “hop into bed and fuck” culture, doesn’t it?
And what is she laughs in my face and says, “you’re kidding, I’m a horny girl and I’m interested in a guy pounding me with his salami good and hard and right now and if it’s not you I’m gonna find another guy.”
Well then, I say, Sayonara. Good knowing you. Next! They aren’t all going to like this.
And then you meet the girl who loves the idea…and loves you for being so confident…
But what of the girl who does like the idea?
“No guy has told me THAT before. Wow, you are honest, and confident to be so sure of yourself that you can tell me THAT.” She looks at you and feels a little weak and a little wet. You are HOT.
You’ll have a much better chance of a fantastic relationship when your woman is okay with this. And the sex will be much better when you have worked up each of your Oxytocin levels.
You certainly can do this “sleep together first” thing for the rest of your life, after you’ve recovered. It makes everything SO much better. But…
…now don’t go and ruin it by trying to stick it in when you were the one who said, “let’s do it this way instead.”
So you sleep with her a few times, maybe give her a bit of oral (or not), and you will notice something very interesting and exciting.
You will notice that semis start coming back…morning wood sometimes (hey it’s been ages since that happened!). Maybe you get kind of excited when you see her and your dick gets hard just from looking into her eyes. Ain’t that a trip?
And then…when you get semis and morning wood…you won’t have to worry about failing.
Meanwhile you can do “intercourse anywhere” entry while still soft and you can hang out in her vagina. Spend 30 minutes or two hours connected that way. How wonderful is that?
Because it’s THIS that heals the brain and leads to true recovery.
You’ve done the solo activities, helpful as those are…and now
It’s time to get out there and meet women
Throw away your fears and doubts. And get out there.
Are you ready? You’re not? Then now is the time to start. Either way, it’s time. And if you want to know where to start, then rely upon Factor X: register for this free web training on how to meet a woman as soon as this weekend using Factor X to do the work practically for you.
And please leave a comment or question that I can answer, or we can talk about.
warmly